Where do you start on a blog post when things are so utterly insane right now? I sat staring at my blank screen for ages, not sure how to put what I feel on paper. For my next blog, I was meant to write the second part of my blog series on women and pregnancy (which is still such an important topic to me) but I couldn’t. I couldn't focus. Writing something about pregnancy, as a privileged white woman seemed trivial as I sit here watching what is happening in the world.
I am passionate about sexism and feminism, but, it doesn’t seem to compare in light of what is happening right now. This world can seem like a crazy place full of injustice and hate. As a mother, I felt the pain that so many others felt when George Floyd called for his mom. I CAN imagine this scenario and I sat and thought about exactly how I would feel if this happened to one of my sons and it makes me so unbearably sad.
I have read some comments about the media spinning truths or inaccurately reporting and I acknowledge this can be true. Journalism is very political these days and we know many publications sway to the side of one party or the other. Political allegiances take priority over the raw truth, and some readers accept what they read from their favourite publication versus integrating multiple view points and formulating their own opinions. This exacerbates the problem and prevents the truth from prevailing.
Personally, I am socially liberal - love is love is love, your body is your body etc. My stance is every life matters, and I am quick to advocate for others. But somehow, everything I think about writing feels wrong. Who am I to write about this when I haven't personally experienced it? What I can do is write about is how I feel, and share what I am going to do. I feel sick. I have a heavy weight on my chest and anger in my belly. I feel like I want to vomit and yell at anyone who trivializes or doesn't understand the depth of the injustice. What am I going to do? I am going to raise my children to be kind, loving and accepting of everyone. I will not breed hate in my house. MY house will be open and loving and tolerant. I will not tolerate racism from those who think 1) they can say racist things because they have “a black friend” 2) they can be silent on this matter because they have “ black friends” and don't agree with what is happening or 3) they think that as a white person they have been persecuted in the some way because “ all lives matter”. ALL LIVES do matter but there is systemic racism against blacks and unless you are black we cannot understand that. How could we possibly?
I have always known I am not racist. I am staunchly against racism, however I don’t think I have done a good enough job of being anti-racist. I wonder if I speak out enough or educate myself or my family enough.
What I do know is that moving forward I am taking steps to ensure I am proactively anti-racist. I have ordered the book “White Fragility” to educate myself and to better understand why racism is so hard to talk about. I have ordered children's books to educate my kids and I vow to keep learning and to continue to be a vocal ally! I MUST be the change.
What is this ramble about? It's about passion and anger and a need to want to use my voice to do something. I am angry that racism still exists and that another innocent man was killed, leaving behind his family to mourn. I am angry that we haven’t really moved forward and that such hate is still being bred. I am angry in the knowledge that this isn’t just a “US” problem and that the last segregated school in Canada only closed in 1983. I am angry that people have to lose their lives to inspired the privileged among us to act!